A very personal letter

19 December 2022. Jakarta.

I should have begun writing this earlier, back when we got together, back when you kissed me for the first time -- breaking my 25-year record of kiss virginity haha.

Back when I think there was something deep, some kind of heavy intuition that us INFJs are famous for, in me that recognized you are the one. (-and I dearly hope that this writing will remain true until we finally make it to the wedding)

I have never done this to anyone I dated before, even to the exes who made it past the one-year-mark relationship with me, not Kenas, not Edwin, not even Kevin...

I don't know why but there is something so fundamentally different about you.. there was a voice in my head strongly urging me to write our journey, however abysmal my writing is 😂.

So here we are. 1 month + 9 days since I knew you, and unexpectedly fell in love HARD. 

It was so unexpected for both of us, wasn't it? But like you said so eloquently in your wedding speech for Kevin and Julia, we all cannot control how and when we fall in love, right? 

It's funny, because both of us are so similar to each other. You and I.... we're not the types desperate for love. We are both focused on our life purposes, being the hero/heroine for our own story. I myself had been a skeptic of romance. With each passing day, and especially after finishing my Master's degree and fighting my way to the tech scene, it's incredibly hard to find someone who understands.... someone who understands what it's like to have the conviction to fight for what we believe in... someone who is also a warrior I can admire and respect (this sounds incredibly cliche lol), and with a mission in life.

I have never fallen in love with money, or with sheer good looks, or with popularity, or with sweet talks of unfulfilled promises. They called me the picky ice queen after all hahaha. 

But you....

You came so gently, but so powerful. At our very first meeting in-person, right there in your car, we just casually talked, and you said you came to Jakarta back when Covid was at its height, and they needed medical volunteers to back up the hospitals in Jakarta where the cases were record high. You volunteered yourself from Riau, and tricked your parents into believing they ordered you, instead of you offering yourself. Your parents were worried for your safety as it seemed like a suicide mission for doctors anyway -- and you ended up being the only doctor coming here. You said that is after all the reason why you became a medical doctor, regardless of your life at stake.

I looked at you at that moment, and that was when I saw *it*. Your soul. It's different from anyone I've met before. And if I have to pinpoint the exact moment I started to fall in love with you -- or more like a skydive 😂 -- that is it.

You see, I have been close with doctors before, some of my friends are doctors too, as well as lawyers, engineers, businessmen, and even unemployed rich guys 😂 -- I've never been one who is impressed by titles. 

But you... God, if you could have seen how beautiful your soul shines at that moment... How heroic... Forgive all the cliches please 😂 I am, after all, a secretly hopeless romantic.

Selflessness has always been my ultimate type, and it's no wonder that I fell hard 😂

Back in 2020, when my heart broke after moving on from an ex, I focused myself fighting for the future, giving my all to find the calling of my life. I eventually found it, despite the road being so difficult and lonely. Fighting my way into the tech scene, hiding the fact that I studied until 3 am every day from everybody, facing the mockeries of everyone doubting me making it, forcing my brain to quickly absorb all the maths and hardware physics needed to program..... it's such a lonely journey. And I prayed at the time, that for whoever would be my partner in life -- hopefully he's also fighting an epic battle somewhere else -- and when the time comes, I can wholly support him.

Like that song of 'Waiting for Superman' by Daughtry, I imagined myself as Lois Lane -- she's also a heroine in her own right, isn't she? -- and my man will not be too late. He might have gotten stuck at the laundromat washing his cape after all 😂 or just busy saving people at the moment.

And if we're meant to be 'till the end, that's exactly what you were doing circa 2020-2022 right? Hahaha.

--and while you were out there saving lives, I did have to finish my battles as well in the tech world.

Anyway the time to write might be cut short as it's getting late, and I need to get back home soon (the barista of this cafe has started looking at me surreptitiously, hinting that it's almost time for them to close lol).