End of July - my turn to make a midsummer post?

31 July 2024

End of July.

Days and weeks are passing so fast these days. I have felt like I'm running out of time all the time - so many stuff let to do, so little time and energy to actually do them..

It's astounding how finite our time is.

I'm also running out of time to prepare for THE pre-wedding. Don't feel like I've already had the right body - not thin enough, not prepared enough, I could do more...

Maybe I do sometimes overestimate how finite the willpower is. But I've always prided myself - if nothing else - on my willpower and tenacity to strive for more.

Speaking of finite though, I received a somber news this morning. One of my highschool classmate has passed away. His name is Ody, Kukuh Ody. We were not exactly close - I was only in National High for 1 year to catch my National Exam (with capitals) after finishing GAC's 2-year program. But he was one of the group who befriended me when I was really lonely - and he was really nice.

It's just really saddening. I heard he was sick because of an ear infection, and the fluid got to his brain - it was all so fast and everyone on my insta feed was in shock.

He was just some days older than me - born on October too but early rather than on the later half of Oct.

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See how bad I am at finishing these journals? I'm writing this 2 days later after last paragraph :')

Oh well, small steps.. small steps of improvements every day.

So this is the lesson that I've been trying to apply as well related to our own mortality and how precious each day should be.

I feel like I've been letting some days just pass away without anything worthwhile - sure I have a (thankfully)

wonderful life, wonderful parents and family, wonderful God-sent relationship with my boyfriend, wonderful dream job, wonderful ballet opportunities... heck, I think my younger self would have gaped in awe seeing her dreams being realized one by one.

I haven't been thankful enough (sorry God) - buried under all of the hustles bustles and stresses of everyday life.

I forgot to just breathe and appreciate everything - rather than complaining of being burned out and being overwhelmed by everything.

I remember - just merely two years ago, my whole life was not in order. I felt paralyzed in my room - unable to act, mulling over wasted potentials, being depressed...

Now I'm so thankful that my dreams are coming true. I should really learn to be more thankful and just breathe.